American Idol: What's our priority anyway?

Editor's note: With every email that i open, I wrestle with god and the devil over what to print, what to omit. In this one, I took out the call signs and one reference to a specific individual that, in my opinion, was more than needed. Otherwise, let the chips fall where they may. Mea culpa. ~ Critt Jarvis

17 Mar 2004, 1550 hours.

Bad news is always bad news. It's the wait that makes it devastating. Today is an off day for my section. I was asleep on my cot when SGT Baldwin, no relation to Alec or Billy, entered my cell. He woke me up, I was dead tired and did not want to loose my grip on REM. It was on the tip of my tongue, that old saying that could have caused me to bite my tongue. "Someone better have died". SGT Baldwin told me that the 1SG just grabbed my Platoon Leader and headed out to the KBR site (where Bravo Section was conducting mission today) with two M88 Recovery vehicles. A Bradley flipped over and needed to be recovered. He also added that information he overheard led him to believe that a soldier from the Outlaw Platoon, us, was killed in the accident. I immediately went to the TOC, Tactical Operations Center, to get a Sitrep. The TOC NCOIC told me that a vehicle of ours has rolled over and that a Medivac was called in. He also whispered that an Outlaw was killed, but added that the 1SG does not want anyone talking about it. Wonderful. The KBR site is about a 30 minute drive from here in a HUmmer, it has been over 3 hours since I got the message. Still no word on the facts. We are hoping for the best. My roommate, SSG Biehl, is the only NCO in the platoon that I get along with on a personal level. He is the Bravo section leader. There are two people in any section that are at highest risk for injury if a BFV rolls over, the Bradley Commanders. SFC Travis, Platoon Daddy, and SSG Biehl, my battle buddy, were the TC's. Corporal Reams and I are sitting here waiting, standing up and walking out the door every time we hear a vehicle approach. I have never, in over ten years of service, mistook the shit truck for a M88 until today. About 15 minutes ago, I saw three Blackhawks fly over FOB Lancer at about 100m altitude then turn towards the KBR site in a wide wedge. My gut tells me that the Brigade or higher Task Force Commander just arrived at the scene. My Platoon is organic to the 1/18 Infantry, Vanguards. We have been detached to the 1/7 Field Artillery, Lightning during our trip to the desert. Anyway, I got a little agitated at being left in the dark and turned on a radio of a Hummer parked outside my cell. I heard the TOC here, report to the Lightning Task Force Commander, that the Vanguard Battalion has been given all of the information that Lightning has about whatever happened at the KBR site. As long as I have been in the Army, I can tell you that it is never a good thing when the unit you are detached to has to contact the unit you came from and they do not give you the message to deliver yourself. [rant edited out] I turned the radio off. As I sit here, helpless, wanting to care about someone, but not knowing who, I care about everyone. God speed to my soldiers. More to follow. I hear a Bradley approaching. False call. It was a 1/26 Infantry bradley rolling to the North gate. Four of our soldiers who went on a convoy security mission to Camp Speicher just returned. They brought word that 2 soldiers were injured, that came from the Steel Knight Executive Officer. I am hopeful to hear that it was only injuries, but first reports tend to be inaccurate. All we can do is wait for the report from my Platoon Leader.

18 Mar 2004, 0156 hours.

At about 1700 hours yesterday my impatience and concern reached intolerable levels. I went to the Battalion TOC. I explained that I was the senior ranking Outlaw present on FOB Lancer and that my Platoon was holding vigil for four and half hours. Rumors were beginning to spin and we needed to know what happened. My heart sank as he told me the situation. He read the official notice verbatim and unedited. The facts were undeniable and my fears materialized into a gut wrenching pain. I went back to my Platoon and informed them that 1 Outlaw has fallen and 2 were taken to FOB Speicher with serious injuries. I did not release the names immediately, I was not prepared for to be able to provide adequate support for any soldiers who might have been overwhelmed from the news. Another hour passed, then the first wave of the mission's soldiers returned. It was time to tell the few who did not know. I do not want to ever have to do that again. Every day that Alpha Section goes out on mission, I greet them upon closure to the motorpool. I always give every soldier a smile and thumbs up for a job well done. But this time was different. The crew for B18 was on foot, they returned in the back of a Hummer. B18, the Bradley, will have to be blown in place. I was relieved to hear from the S-3 that SSG Biehl was not injured, but that meant that someone else was gone. Catch 22. I felt guilty for the relief that came over me as I laid eyes on SSG Biehl, my closest friend here. I got the story from the horses mouth. B18, his Bradley, was the lead vehicle. They were driving on a dirt road on the edge of a 200 foot cliff. The road gave way. The vehicle began to roll, so SSG Biehl gave the order to get out. The driver, PFC Middlebrook, hit the gas and tried in vain to keep the vehicle from falling. SSG Biehl, the Bradley Commander, and SPC Jeans, the Bradley Gunner, were able to climb out of the turret and jump free from the vehicle at the last second. SSG Biehl said he looked up and saw Middlebrook open his drivers hatch just as the vehicle began to roll. The Bradley fell and rolled two and a half times, landing turret down in the Tigris river. SSG Biehl jumped and fell down the cliff to get to his vehicle. He was the first to reach the drivers hatch. He said that he fought furiously to get the hatch open, but it was upside down, under water. He realized that it was futile and moved to the rear of the vehicle. Suddenly he saw a soldier splashing in the water near him, then Middlebrook broke the surface. Middlebrook does not know how he got out, but he said he knows he "cheated death". The troop door in the rear was accessible. There were three soldiers in the back of the track. None were concious. CPL Gomez, promoted 3 days ago, was the first removed. He is now in stable condition on FOB Speicher. He suffered severe head trauma. SPC Matthews, known as "Pops", has two broken legs. As of 2130 hours last night, his prognosis is not good. He has weak vitals and is not expected to survive the night. That man is tough as a junkyard dog. PFC Laramore drowned in the vehicle. It took too long to get to him. There is a bar back in Schweinfurt called The Rock Corner, crawling distance from my apartment. Thats my dive. He and Pops meandered in there on several occasions, we tossed back a few cold ones getting ready for Iraq. I was not ready for this. I have the feeling that I am going to be an old man after this chapter of my life is complete. I may as well tell you the rest of the story. When Matthews was pulled from the vehicle, he was not breathing. Two soldiers performed CPR until the Medivac arrived. Matthews vomited in the mouths of both rescuers as they worked on saving him. An unnamed civilian medic told the two soldiers to stop CPR because he said the Matthews was allready gone. But they did not stop. At 1700, we recieved word that both Gomez and Pops were stable. I approached Gavin and thanked him for not giving up on Pops. He was angry that someone had the audacity to tell him to stop trying to save him. He was relieved to know that Pops was going to make it. Then we got the update at 2130, more bad news. I pray that Pops makes it.

You know what the made the news headlines on TV while we ate chow two days ago? It was a debate over who should win American Idol. Who gives a fuck. Has America forgotten that soldiers are still dying in Iraq? Sorry about that. I made a rule for myself, once I write an idea, it stays.

Today is a day of reflection for our Platoon. Hopefully some of us will be able to convoy to FOB Speicher to visit Gomez and Pops. Have a good day.

18 Mar 2004 1427 hours

Whenever a soldier is killed or seriously wounded in sector, phones and internet are turned off until the next of kin is notified. I will keep updating this until that time. At 1200 hours, 1SG Jacobs notified us that CPL Gomez's neck was broken in two places and is paralyzed from the neck down. Pops has still not regained consciousness and is on life support. His squad leader and our Platoon Sergeant have not returned to FOB Lancer yet, they are holding vigil by Pops.Life goes on for us. My spades partner, CPL Reams, and I won our 10th consecutive spades game. When I say win, I mean spanked the shit out of the opposition. We are unbeatable. Middlebrook wanted to play spades last night. The guys in the rollover have determined that Middlebrook was thrown from the Bradley while it was rolling and he landed in the water. His hatch was sealed closed in the river, he had to have been out of the hatch before the Brad impacted the bottom. Talk about luck. But he has no luck against Reams and me when throwing spades. The LT came by our cell at about 2200 hours. We watched School of Rock on my laptop. That movie made me laugh so hard. It is a wierd feeling to grieve and laugh at the same time. As you walk around the Outlaw Territory, if you are not one of us, you would never know the difference. Soldiers are doing laundry, watching movies, listening to music, going to the Hadji store, playing games, etc... But there is a difference. We stop to notice each other, make a gesture or comment to let each other know we acknowledge we are a band of brothers. There is an unspoken mutual understanding of respect and loyalty that did not exist until yesterday.

19 Mar 2004, 1256 hours

We had a company formation this morning. It was a PAI, Personal Accountability Inspection to make sure we still are present and have our ID cards and dog tags. The 1SG used the opportunity to inform the rest of the company of the events that occured. He forced us to form a horseshoe around him. It was an uncomfortable moment for the Outlaws. As the 1SG told the story, the other soldiers looked at us with what felt like false sincerety and compassion. They shook thier heads at all the right moments of the story and looked at us like, "you poor little boys, we are so sorry". We are detached from our parent unit, and the Steel Knights are trying thier best to make us feel welcome. 1SG said twice that the result of the accident was 1 KIA, and 2 wounded. Every time he said that, you feel our platoon flinch. I think it was because he is not one of us, and to hear someone talk about the incident, and not be an Outlaw is blasphemy. Anyway, right in the middle of the 1SG's speech, the CO walked up. He stepped in and began to speak. He seemed unprepared and definately had no business talking to the company without having some notes to read from. He started to talk about Gomez, Matthews, and Laramore. He said that, "Gomez acted like he was a SSG, Laramore a SGT, and Matthews was just a hard charger. All of them were good men. I am refering to them in the past tense because Gomez and Matthews died last night. All three are dead". That was not the forum to inform my soldiers about the one guy we all expected to make it. Then the CO continued to chew on his boot by saying that he will always make sure that the company stays informed of deaths. And how he hopes there are no more accidents but he knows that someone else will fall and that once again he will stand in front of the company. Whatever, I understand he is grieving, but if you don't know what to say, Shut the fuck up. The Outlaws are ready to leave the wire again. We want to get out into sector and do our jobs. I want to roll out in my Bradley and tear some shit up. I hate being confined to the FOB, like some kind of rat. It's time to get out and show the Iraqis that we are professionals. Also, our platoon is tired of being petted by everybody. Just leave us alone and give us a damn mission. Tomorrow is the memorial ceremony, that dark cloud is hanging over us. Once that is over, we will be able to move on faster.

19 Mar 2220 hours

Internet is back up, I am going to head over in a few minutes. At 2100 hours, the Command group walked from cell to cell and informed the Outlaws that CPL Gomez did not die, in fact he having surgery performed as we speak. That was a huge mistake by Division that I am sure someones head will roll for. We needed some good news. I have gone through most of the seven stages of grieving in the past hours. I believe that I am close to acceptance. The hardest step was not to access blame. I wanted to point the finger at someone, anyone who I could vent my rage on. But I have come to realize that no one willed it. No one wanted the Bradley to fall of the cliff. Shit Happens. The mission was completed, at a high cost, but it was a success. We will continue our dangerous job with the conviction and professionalism expected of an American soldier. Bad things have to happen to good people in order to create true heroes. A lot of ordinary men did heroic deeds that morning. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, through baptism my fire, that I am surrounded by extraordinary men. Middlebrook stayed behind the wheel of a falling 45 ton Bradley until he saw his crew jump free. Then he fell 200 feet into river and was pinned underneath that vehicle. Then he got out and performed CPR on his fallen brothers. He is only one of many true heros that earned that title that fateful morning.

[editor's note: The following is a chronology of the first 13 days at Camp Lancer ]

7 Mar 2004 Outlaws mounted section arrives FOB Lancer, dismounts conduct first night raid, no injuries

10 Mar 2004 Outlaws A Sec. conducts its 1st patrol, detains 3 Iraqis, thier car gets jacked in less than 20 minutes

11 Mar 2004 Outlaws B Sec. recieve small arms fire, seize 1 AK-47, no injuries

12 Mar 2004 Rocket Attack on FOB Lancer lands 250m from A Sec. AAR in progress, no injuries

13 Mar 2004 IED Attack in Tikrit, CPT Kurth and SPC Ford killed, SGT Kalous's foot amputated, SPC Press injured, SPC Lovell shrapnel to the face

15 Mar 2004 Memorial Service held on FOB Omaha for CPT Kurth and SPC Ford

17 Mar 2004 B18 rolls off cliff, SPC Laramore killed, CPL Gomez and SPC Matthews Medevac'd to FOB Speicher

18 Mar 2004 CPL Gomez Medivac'd to Bagdad, paralyzed from neck down, doctor says he won't walk again, probably get use of arms, he responded to questions by blinking; SPC Matthews unconcious on life support at FOB Speicher, report says he is brain dead; All Outlaw missions cancelled

19 Mar 2004 CPT Holbrook untactfully informs Outlaws in front of a Company formation that Pops and Gomez died last night; The wait is over, 3 Outlaws dead; at 2100 hours, 1SG and CO inform Platoon that Division severely screwed up the message this morning. CPL Gomez did not die, his brain is recieving enough oxygen to allow doctors to perform thier first surgery on his neck and spine.

Know this, life is fragile; live every day like it is your last

Philip Jarvis
SSG, USA
Section Leader

Editor's Postscript: I am a fan of, and advocate for American Idol. But it is a matter of priorities, you know?